Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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