WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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