He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
