Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
