you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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