Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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