OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
