I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
