Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
