dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
