I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
