Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
