3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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