...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
