if i can run in heels then i can drive
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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