I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i now understand why vodka
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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