Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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