New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize