HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
