I need to stop coming to work sober
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
