So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
