I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
