I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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