once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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