I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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