I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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