Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just high enough for therapy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
