i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
