I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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