census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
