i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
