How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
