I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize