my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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