no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
