do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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