beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
