You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
