How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
