whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official drugs can't kill me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
