OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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