remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
