Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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