Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
