Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
