I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
