i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
