the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
