I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
