you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
