i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
