I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
