It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
