I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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