At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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