He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
