mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
