he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
