There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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