then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
