I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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