He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
