I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
