I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
