I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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