Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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