Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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