If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
