Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
