I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
