oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just cropdusted the office
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
