Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
